#7 The Civil War in Florida

Its a photo essay check out my photo album!!!!!
http://adorfman.typepad.com/photos/the_civil_war_in_florida/index.html

Comments

[Dan Cianciolo]

The pictures in the album were crisp and easily viewable and they added to the story line of the album very well. The first thing that caught my attention was the spelling mistakes in the introduction. The words “remains”, “organize”, and “vulnerable” are misspelled and they detract from the reading of the album. Also in the second picture, the paragraph seems choppy and is a little unclear. The sentences read: “Taken in February 1861 of Columbiad guns of the Confederate water battery at Warrington, Florida. The men in the look like they are getting ready for war. They are loading their cannons and cleaning up everything around them.” The paragraph would flow better if it were written as follows: Taken in February of 1861, this picture shows the Columbian guns of the Confederate Army water battery at Warrington, Florida. The men in the photograph look like they are preparing for war by loading their guns and cleaning up around them. By writing the paragraph like this, the point is more easily understood and is clearer. Furthermore, in the fourth picture of the letter, there is not much substance in the writing. The paragraph is just restating what the letter has written on it. There is no explanation of the letter or any specific point addressed about the letter. Further explanation of it would have been beneficial to better understand the reason of why it was included. Maybe a little background story of the letter would have been good to have added in. Overall, I liked the idea of the album and the pictures that were used to explain the Civil War in Florida. With these corrections, the album would be very good.

[Jackie Hollinger]

It looks like you really took some time in choosing pictures to use for you photo album. You choose good pictures but you did not really explain them well. In picture number 1 and 3 you did not describe any details from the pictures. You didn’t talk about what was going on in the picture or pick out a specific detail. In picture number 4 who is Benjamin Oglesby? What does he have to do with the civil war in Florida? I just don’t think the letter has much to do with your theme. Maybe you could have found a letter of a general discussing his plan of action during one of the battles that took place in Florida. I also noticed that the summary for photo number 2 was way to short. The requirement was at least 100 words. You could have added a little more history. For example what battle do you think they are getting ready for?

[Jose Yanez]

Well all of your pictures were nicely chosen but there were some misunderstanding. Well, the introduction needs more background in which explains a little about Florida and a little about Governor Milton. Where was he born or how did he get chosen to be the Governor of Florida? I saw a couple of misspelled words in the introduction like, "remains", "organize", and "vulnerable". Also, you should have explain the letter a little better , you just wrote what the letter said that doesn't explain anything with the thesis statment that you wrote in the beginning of the gallery. In addition, you don't explain what's going on in the picture. This is not very good because you want your reader to understand and know about the picture itself. For example, I want to know more about picture #1. You can use the information that we have learned in class. You can divide the picture into 3's and then explain each part of the picture. The last picture in your gallery didn't look very good. It was written as follow: "Governor John Milton, Florida's governor for most of the war, worked hard to manage the state's very limited financial resources to try to meet wartime needs. April 1865 began with the shocking news that Governor John Milton committed suicide at his home being ill and depressed over the deterating military and political situation" but, it can be written like this. "Governor John Milton, being the governor of Florida, during Civil War, worked very hard trying to meet wartime needs with the state's limited finacial resources but on April 1865 he committed suicide at his home being ill and depressed over the military and political solutions." This sounds a little more understandable for the reader but everything else was very good.

[Stuart Oates]

I feel that this photo album is not very good at all. First off you didn't have enough pictures, you only had five, you need to have at least six. Secondly, you didn't explain the third picture, all you did was post the picture, where is the work? Another problem is your grammar. In your introduction you make two grammar mistakes. Your second sentence has one mistake, your sentence said " Following secession and had to organise and army to defend the state." The and after secession should be an. Another mistake was the last sentence " Governor Milton ill and depressed over the military and political situation commited suicide in April of 1865 and by early June the last organized resistance in the southern half of the peninsula collapsed as well." The sentence should look like this; Governor Milton, ill and depressed over the military and political situation, commited suicide in April of 1865 and by early June the last organized resistance in the southern half of the peninsula collapsed as well. Well there is one good thing that you did do, you definitely did a good job finding your pictures. My only word of advice is that next time you do a photo album make sure you make plenty of time to work on it. It seems to me you did this assignment at the last minute.